The Incredibles
November 5, 2004
Brad Bird & John Walker
ON SCREEN
Walt Disney Pictures.
Pixar.
Is this on? I can break through walls, I just can't... I can't get this on.
INTERVIEWER
So, Mr. Incredible, do you have a secret identity?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Every superhero has one, has a secret identity. I don't know a single one who doesn't. Who wants the pressure of being super all the time?
LUCIUS (FROZONE)
Super ladies, they're always want to tell you their secret identity. Think it'll strengthen the relationship or something. I said, "Girl, I don't want to know about your mild-mannered alter ego," or anything like that. I mean, you tell me you're a "super-mega-ultra-lightning-babe", that's alright with me. I'm good. I'm good.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved, you know? For a little bit. I feel like the maid. "I just cleaned up this mess. Can we keep it clean for ten minutes? Please?" Sometimes l think I'd just like the simple life, you know? Relax a little and raise a family.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Settle down? Are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so. I don't think so.
The Incredibles.
RADIO
We interrupt for an important bulletin. A deadly high-speed pursuit between police and armed gunmen is underway, traveling northbound on San Pablo Boulevard.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
I've got time.
OLD LADY
Mr. lncredible. Oh, Mr. Incredible...
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
What is it, Ma'am?
OLD LADY
My cat, Squeaker, won't come down.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Certainly, Ma'am. But I suggest you stand clear. There could be trouble.
OLD LADY
Oh, no. He's quite tame.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Let go now!
COP 1
Thank you, Mr. lncredible. You've done it again.
COP 2
Yeah, you're the best.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
No, I'm just here to help.
RADIO
Attention all units. We have a tour bus robbery in the vicinity of Paradise and Solano...
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
I've still got time. Officers, Ma'am. Squeaker.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Cool! Ready for take-off!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
What the heck? Who are you supposed to be?
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Well then, I'm lncrediBoy.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
No, no. You're that kid from the fan club. B... Bro-phy. Bud. Buddy! Buddy!
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
The name is IncrediBoy.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Look, I've been nice, I've stood for photos, signed every scrap of paper you pushed at me but this is a bit...
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
You don't have to worry about training me. I know all your moves, your crime fighting style, favorite catchphrases, everything! I'm your number one fan! Hey! Hey, wait!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
You know, you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her purse. But maybe that's not what you had in mind.
THIEF
Hey, look!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Elastigirl.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Mr. lncredible.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
It's alright. I've got him.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Sure, you've got him. I just took him out for you.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Sure, you took him out. His attention was on me.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
A fact I exploited in order to do my job.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
My job, you mean.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
A simple thank you will suffice.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Thanks, but I don't need any help.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Whatever happened to ladies first?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Well, whatever happened to equal treatment?
THIEF
Hey, look, the lady got me first.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Well, we could share, you know.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
I work alone.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Well, I think you need to be more, flexible.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Are you doing anything later?
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
I have a previous engagement.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Now, you just stay right here. They usually pick up the garbage in an hour.
LUCIUS (FROZONE)
Hey, Incredible!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Hey, Frozone!
LUCIUS (FROZONE)
Shouldn't you be getting ready?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Hey, I've still got time.
WOMAN
He's going to jump!
SANSWEET
My collarbone... I think you broke it.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
With counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me. Wait a minute. Bomb Voyage.
VOYAGE
Mr. Incredible!
BOY
And IncrediBoy!
VOYAGE
IncrediBoy?
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Hey, hey! Aren't you curious about how I get around so fast? See? I have these rocket boots.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Go home, Buddy. Now.
VOYAGE
Little oaf.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Can we talk? You always, always, tell people, "Be true to yourself," but you never say which part of yourself to be true to. Well, I've finally figured out who I am. I am your ward, IncrediBoy!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
And now, you've officially carried it too far, Buddy.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
It's because I don't have powers, isn't it? Not every hero has powers, you know. You can be super without them. I invented these. I can fly. Can you fly?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Fly home, Buddy. I work alone.
VOYAGE
Yes! And your outfit is totally ridiculous!
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Just give me one chance! I'll show you. I'll go get the police.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Buddy, don't!
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
It'll only take a second, really.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
No, stop! There's a bomb!
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Let go! You're wrecking my flight pattern! Let go of my cape! You're gonna rip it!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Take this one home. And make sure his mom knows what he's been doing.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
I can help you. You're making a mistake. Hey!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
The injured jumper. You sent paramedics?
COP
They've already picked him up.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
The blast in that building was caused by Bomb Voyage who I caught in the act robbing the vault. We might be able to nab him if we set up a perimeter.
COP
You mean he got away?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Well, yeah. Skippy here made sure of that.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
IncrediBoy!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
You're not affiliated with me! Holy smokes, I'm late. Listen, I've gotta be somewhere.
COP
What about Bomb Voyage?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Any other night, I'd go after him myself, but I've really gotta go. Don't worry. We'll get him! Eventually! Is the night still young?
INTERVIEWER
So, Mr. Incredible, do you have a secret identity?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Every superhero has one, has a secret identity. I don't know a single one who doesn't. Who wants the pressure of being super all the time?
Walt Disney Pictures presents.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Of course I have a secret identity. Who'd want to go shopping as Elastigirl, you know what I mean?
A Pixar Animation Studios film.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Of course I have a secret identity. Who'd want to go shopping as Elastigirl, you know what I mean?
A Pixar Animation Studios film.
LUCIUS (FROZONE)
Super ladies, they're always want to tell you their secret identity. Think it'll strengthen the relationship or something. I said, "Girl, I don't want to know about your mild-mannered alter ego," or anything like that. I mean, you tell me you're a "super-mega-ultra-lightning-babe", that's alright with me. I'm good. I'm good.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved, you know? For a little bit. I feel like the maid. "I just cleaned up this mess. Can we keep it clean for ten minutes? Please?" Sometimes l think I'd just like the simple life, you know? Relax a little and raise a family.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Settle down? Are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so. I don't think so.
The Incredibles.
RADIO
We interrupt for an important bulletin. A deadly high-speed pursuit between police and armed gunmen is underway, traveling northbound on San Pablo Boulevard.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
I've got time.
OLD LADY
Mr. lncredible. Oh, Mr. Incredible...
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
What is it, Ma'am?
OLD LADY
My cat, Squeaker, won't come down.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Certainly, Ma'am. But I suggest you stand clear. There could be trouble.
OLD LADY
Oh, no. He's quite tame.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Let go now!
COP 1
Thank you, Mr. lncredible. You've done it again.
COP 2
Yeah, you're the best.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
No, I'm just here to help.
RADIO
Attention all units. We have a tour bus robbery in the vicinity of Paradise and Solano...
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
I've still got time. Officers, Ma'am. Squeaker.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Cool! Ready for take-off!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
What the heck? Who are you supposed to be?
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Well then, I'm lncrediBoy.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
No, no. You're that kid from the fan club. B... Bro-phy. Bud. Buddy! Buddy!
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
The name is IncrediBoy.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Look, I've been nice, I've stood for photos, signed every scrap of paper you pushed at me but this is a bit...
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
You don't have to worry about training me. I know all your moves, your crime fighting style, favorite catchphrases, everything! I'm your number one fan! Hey! Hey, wait!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
You know, you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her purse. But maybe that's not what you had in mind.
THIEF
Hey, look!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Elastigirl.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Mr. lncredible.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
It's alright. I've got him.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Sure, you've got him. I just took him out for you.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Sure, you took him out. His attention was on me.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
A fact I exploited in order to do my job.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
My job, you mean.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
A simple thank you will suffice.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Thanks, but I don't need any help.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Whatever happened to ladies first?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Well, whatever happened to equal treatment?
THIEF
Hey, look, the lady got me first.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Well, we could share, you know.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
I work alone.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Well, I think you need to be more, flexible.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Are you doing anything later?
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
I have a previous engagement.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Now, you just stay right here. They usually pick up the garbage in an hour.
LUCIUS (FROZONE)
Hey, Incredible!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Hey, Frozone!
LUCIUS (FROZONE)
Shouldn't you be getting ready?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Hey, I've still got time.
WOMAN
He's going to jump!
SANSWEET
My collarbone... I think you broke it.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
With counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me. Wait a minute. Bomb Voyage.
VOYAGE
Mr. Incredible!
BOY
And IncrediBoy!
VOYAGE
IncrediBoy?
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Hey, hey! Aren't you curious about how I get around so fast? See? I have these rocket boots.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Go home, Buddy. Now.
VOYAGE
Little oaf.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Can we talk? You always, always, tell people, "Be true to yourself," but you never say which part of yourself to be true to. Well, I've finally figured out who I am. I am your ward, IncrediBoy!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
And now, you've officially carried it too far, Buddy.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
It's because I don't have powers, isn't it? Not every hero has powers, you know. You can be super without them. I invented these. I can fly. Can you fly?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Fly home, Buddy. I work alone.
VOYAGE
Yes! And your outfit is totally ridiculous!
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Just give me one chance! I'll show you. I'll go get the police.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Buddy, don't!
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
It'll only take a second, really.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
No, stop! There's a bomb!
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
Let go! You're wrecking my flight pattern! Let go of my cape! You're gonna rip it!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Take this one home. And make sure his mom knows what he's been doing.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
I can help you. You're making a mistake. Hey!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
The injured jumper. You sent paramedics?
COP
They've already picked him up.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
The blast in that building was caused by Bomb Voyage who I caught in the act robbing the vault. We might be able to nab him if we set up a perimeter.
COP
You mean he got away?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Well, yeah. Skippy here made sure of that.
BUDDY (INCREDIBOY)
IncrediBoy!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
You're not affiliated with me! Holy smokes, I'm late. Listen, I've gotta be somewhere.
COP
What about Bomb Voyage?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Any other night, I'd go after him myself, but I've really gotta go. Don't worry. We'll get him! Eventually! Is the night still young?
LUCIUS (FROZONE)
You're very late.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
How do I look? Good?
LUCIUS (FROZONE)
The mask! You still got the mask.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Showtime.
PRIEST
Robert Golden, do you take Helen Truax to be your lawful wedded wife?
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
Cutting it kinda close, don't you think?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
You need to be more... flexible.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
I love you, but if we're gonna make this work, you've gotta be more than Mr. lncredible. You know that. Don't you?
PRIEST
...so long as you both shall live?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
I do.
PRIEST
I pronounce this couple husband and wife.
HELEN (ELASTIGIRL)
As long as we both shall live. No matter what happens.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
We're superheroes. What could happen?
NEWSWOMAN
In a stunning turn of events, a superhero is being sued for saving someone who, apparently, didn't want to be saved. The plaintiff, Oliver Sansweet, who was foiled in his attempted suicide by Mr. Incredible, has filed suit against the famed superhero in Superior Court.
SANSWEET'S LAWYER
Mr. Sansweet didn't ask to be saved. Mr. Sansweet didn't want to be saved. And the injury received from Mr. Incredible actions, so quote, causes him daily pain.
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Hey, I saved your life!
SANSWEET
You didn't save my life! You ruined my death, that's what
you did!
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
Listen, you little piece of...
MR. INCREDIBLE'S LAWYER
My client has no further comment at this time.
NARRATOR
Five days later, another suit was filed by victims of the el train accident. Incredible's court losses cost the government millions. And opened the flood gates for dozens of similar lawsuits against superheroes the world over.
JUDGE
It is time for their secret identity to become their only identity. Time for them to join us, or go away.
NARRATOR
Under tremendous public pressure, and the crushing financial burden of an ever mounting series of lawsuits, the government quietly initiated the superhero relocation program. The supers will be granted amnesty from responsibility for past actions, in exchange for the promise to never again resume hero work. Where are they now? They are living among us. Average citizens, average heroes. Quietly and anonymously continuing to make the world a better place.
HOGENSON
Denied? You're denying my claim?
15 years later.
HOGENSON
I don't understand. I have full coverage.
BOB
I'm sorry, Mrs. Hogenson, but our liability is spelled out
in paragraph 17. It states clearly...
HOGENSON
I can't pay for this.
BOB
Excuse me. Claims, Bob Parr.
HELEN
I'm calling to celebrate a momentous occasion. We're now officially moved in.
BOB
That's great, honey. And the last three years don't count because...
HELEN
Because I finally unpacked the last box. Now, it's official. Why do we have so much junk?
BOB
Listen, honey, I've got a client here.
HELEN
Say no more. Go save the world one policy at a time, honey. Oh! I gotta go pick up the kids from school. See you tonight.
BOB
Bye, honey. Excuse me. Where were we?
HOGENSON
I'm on a fixed income, and if you can't help me, I don't know what I'll do.
BOB
All right, listen closely. I'd like to help you, but I can't. I'd like to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on the... Norma Wilcox. W-l-L-C-O-X. On the third floor. But I can't. I would advise you should not fill out and file a WS2475 form with a man named Oliver Jenkins our legal department on the seventh floor. I wouldn't expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I'd like to help, but there's nothing I can do.
HOGENSON
Oh, thank you, young man.
BOB
Shhh! I'm sorry, ma'am! I know you're upset! Pretend to be upset.
HUPH
Parr! You authorized payment on the Walker policy?!
BOB
Someone broke into their house, Mr. Huph. Their policy clearly covers them against.
HUPH
I don't wanna know about their coverage, Bob! Don't tell me about their coverage. Tell me how you're keeping Insuricare in the black. Tell me how that's possible, with you writing checks to every Harry Hardluck and Sally Sobstory that gives you a phone call.
[PA Announcement]
Morning break is over. Morning break is over.
BOB
I'm sorry, Mrs. Hogenson, but our liability is spelled out
in paragraph 17. It states clearly...
HOGENSON
I can't pay for this.
BOB
Excuse me. Claims, Bob Parr.
HELEN
I'm calling to celebrate a momentous occasion. We're now officially moved in.
BOB
That's great, honey. And the last three years don't count because...
HELEN
Because I finally unpacked the last box. Now, it's official. Why do we have so much junk?
BOB
Listen, honey, I've got a client here.
HELEN
Say no more. Go save the world one policy at a time, honey. Oh! I gotta go pick up the kids from school. See you tonight.
BOB
Bye, honey. Excuse me. Where were we?
HOGENSON
I'm on a fixed income, and if you can't help me, I don't know what I'll do.
BOB
All right, listen closely. I'd like to help you, but I can't. I'd like to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on the... Norma Wilcox. W-l-L-C-O-X. On the third floor. But I can't. I would advise you should not fill out and file a WS2475 form with a man named Oliver Jenkins our legal department on the seventh floor. I wouldn't expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I'd like to help, but there's nothing I can do.
HOGENSON
Oh, thank you, young man.
BOB
Shhh! I'm sorry, ma'am! I know you're upset! Pretend to be upset.
HUPH
Parr! You authorized payment on the Walker policy?!
BOB
Someone broke into their house, Mr. Huph. Their policy clearly covers them against.
HUPH
I don't wanna know about their coverage, Bob! Don't tell me about their coverage. Tell me how you're keeping Insuricare in the black. Tell me how that's possible, with you writing checks to every Harry Hardluck and Sally Sobstory that gives you a phone call.
[PA Announcement]
Morning break is over. Morning break is over.
PRINCIPAL
I appreciate you coming down here so quickly, Mrs. Parr.
HELEN
What's this about? Has Dash done something wrong?
KROPP
He's a disruptive influence. And he openly mocks me in front
of the class.
DASH
He says.
KROPP
Look, I know it's you! He puts thumbtacks on my stool.
HELEN
You saw him do this?
KROPP
Well...not really. No, actually, not.
HELEN
Oh, then how do you know it was him?
KROPP
I hid a camera. This time, I've got him. See? You see? What, you don't see it? He moves! Right there! Wait, wait! Right there! Right as I'm sitting down! I don't know how he does it, but there's no tack on my stool before he moves and after he moves, there's a tack. Coincidence? I think not!
PRINCIPAL
Bernie...
KROPP
Don't "Bernie" me. This little rat is guilty!
PRINCIPAL
You and your son can go now, Mrs. Parr. I'm sorry for the trouble.
KROPP
You're letting him go again? He's guilty! You can see it on his smug little face. Guilty, guilty, guilty! No!
HELEN
Dash, this is the third time this year you've been sent to the office. We need to find a better outlet. A more...constructive outlet.
DASH
Maybe I could, if you'd let me go out for sports.
HELEN
Honey, you know why we can't do that.
DASH
I promise I'll slow up. I'll only be the best by a little bit.
HELEN
Dashiell Robert Parr, you are an incredibly competitive boy. And a bit of a showoff. The last thing you need is temptation.
DASH
You always say, "Do your best." But you don't really mean it. Why can't I do the best that I can do?
HELEN
Right now, honey, the world just wants us to fit in, and to fit in, we must be like everybody else.
DASH
But Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers made us special.
HELEN
Everyone's special, Dash.
DASH
Which is another way of saying no one is.
BOY
Hey, Rydinger. Where you headed?
GIRL
Hi, Tony.
TONY
Hey.
BOY
Hey, Tony, can I carry your books?
TONY
That's kind of funny.
BOY 1
Hey, Tony, do you play football?
BOY 2
Tony, I thought we were gonna go swimming.
VIOLET
He looked at me.
DASH
Come on, Violet!
BOB
Darn kids. Sitting on the driveway... Oh, great.
I appreciate you coming down here so quickly, Mrs. Parr.
HELEN
What's this about? Has Dash done something wrong?
KROPP
He's a disruptive influence. And he openly mocks me in front
of the class.
DASH
He says.
KROPP
Look, I know it's you! He puts thumbtacks on my stool.
HELEN
You saw him do this?
KROPP
Well...not really. No, actually, not.
HELEN
Oh, then how do you know it was him?
KROPP
I hid a camera. This time, I've got him. See? You see? What, you don't see it? He moves! Right there! Wait, wait! Right there! Right as I'm sitting down! I don't know how he does it, but there's no tack on my stool before he moves and after he moves, there's a tack. Coincidence? I think not!
PRINCIPAL
Bernie...
KROPP
Don't "Bernie" me. This little rat is guilty!
PRINCIPAL
You and your son can go now, Mrs. Parr. I'm sorry for the trouble.
KROPP
You're letting him go again? He's guilty! You can see it on his smug little face. Guilty, guilty, guilty! No!
HELEN
Dash, this is the third time this year you've been sent to the office. We need to find a better outlet. A more...constructive outlet.
DASH
Maybe I could, if you'd let me go out for sports.
HELEN
Honey, you know why we can't do that.
DASH
I promise I'll slow up. I'll only be the best by a little bit.
HELEN
Dashiell Robert Parr, you are an incredibly competitive boy. And a bit of a showoff. The last thing you need is temptation.
DASH
You always say, "Do your best." But you don't really mean it. Why can't I do the best that I can do?
HELEN
Right now, honey, the world just wants us to fit in, and to fit in, we must be like everybody else.
DASH
But Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers made us special.
HELEN
Everyone's special, Dash.
DASH
Which is another way of saying no one is.
BOY
Hey, Rydinger. Where you headed?
GIRL
Hi, Tony.
TONY
Hey.
BOY
Hey, Tony, can I carry your books?
TONY
That's kind of funny.
BOY 1
Hey, Tony, do you play football?
BOY 2
Tony, I thought we were gonna go swimming.
VIOLET
He looked at me.
DASH
Come on, Violet!
BOB
Darn kids. Sitting on the driveway... Oh, great.
DASH
Mom, you're making weird faces again.
HELEN
No, I'm not.
BOB
You make weird faces, honey.
HELEN
Do you have to read at the table?
BOB
Uh-huh. Yeah.
HELEN
Smaller bites, Dash. Yikes! Bob, could you help the carnivore cut his meat?
DASH
Ow.
HELEN
Dash, you have something you wanna tell your father about school?
DASH
Uh, well, we dissected a frog.
HELEN
Dash got sent to the office again.
BOB
Good. Good.
HELEN
No, Bob, that's bad.
BOB
What?
HELEN
Dash got sent to the office again.
BOB
What?! What for?
DASH
Nothing.
HELEN
He put a tack on the teacher's chair, during class.
DASH
Nobody saw me. You could barely see it on the tape.
BOB
They caught you on tape and you still got away with it? Whoa! You must have been booking. How fast do you think were you going?
HELEN
Bob! We are not encouraging this.
BOB
I'm not encouraging, I'm just asking how fast he was...
HELEN
Honey!
BOB
Oh, great. First the car and now I gotta pay to fix the table...
HELEN
The car? What happened to the car?
BOB
Here. I'm getting a new plate.
HELEN
What about you, Vi? How was school?
VIOLET
Nothing to report.
HELEN
You've hardly touched your food.
VIOLET
I'm not hungry for meatloaf.
HELEN
Well, it is leftover night. We have steak, pasta. What are you hungry for?
DASH
Tony Rydinger.
VIOLET
Shut up!
DASH
Well, you are.
VIOLET
I said, shut up, you little insect!
DASH
Well, she is.
HELEN
Do not shout at the table. Honey!
MAN
Kids, listen to your mother.
DASH
She'd eat if we were having Tony loaf.
VIOLET
That's it!
HELEN
Stop it!
DASH
You're gonna be toast!
HELEN
Stop running in the house. Sit down!
DASH
Ow! Hey, no force fields!
VIOLET
You started it.
HELEN
You sit down! You sit down! Violet!
BOB
Simon J. Paladino, longtime advocate of superhero rights, is missing? Gazerbeam.
HELEN
Bob! It's time to engage. Do something! Don't just stand there! I need you to intervene!
BOB
You want me to intervene? Okay. I'm intervening. I'm intervening!
HELEN
Violet, let go of your brother!
JACK-JACK
Hello?
BOB
Get the door.
DASH
Hey, Lucius!
LUCIUS
Hey, Speedo. Hey, Helen. Vi, Jack-Jack.
BOB
Hey! Ice of you to drop by.
LUCIUS
Ha! Never heard that one before.
DASH
Hey, Lucius!
LUCIUS
Whoa!
LUCIUS
Ha, ha.
DASH
Oh! I like it when it shatters.
BOB
I'll be back later.
HELEN
Hey, where are you two going?
BOB
It's Wednesday.
HELEN
Oh. Bowling night. Say hello to Honey for me, Lucius.
LUCIUS
Will do. Goodnight, Helen. Goodnight, kids.
HELEN
Don't think that you've avoided talking about your trip to the principal's office, young man. Your father and I are still gonna discuss it.
DASH
I'm not the only kid who's been sent to the office, you know.
HELEN
Other kids don't have superpowers. Now, it's perfectly normal for you to feel...
VIOLET
Normal? What do you know about normal? What does anyone in our family know about normal? The only normal one is Jack-Jack.
HELEN
Now, wait a minute, young lady.
VIOLET
We act normal, mom. I wanna be normal! The only normal one is Jack-Jack, and he's not even toilet trained.
DASH
Lucky. I meant about being normal.
Mom, you're making weird faces again.
HELEN
No, I'm not.
BOB
You make weird faces, honey.
HELEN
Do you have to read at the table?
BOB
Uh-huh. Yeah.
HELEN
Smaller bites, Dash. Yikes! Bob, could you help the carnivore cut his meat?
DASH
Ow.
HELEN
Dash, you have something you wanna tell your father about school?
DASH
Uh, well, we dissected a frog.
HELEN
Dash got sent to the office again.
BOB
Good. Good.
HELEN
No, Bob, that's bad.
BOB
What?
HELEN
Dash got sent to the office again.
BOB
What?! What for?
DASH
Nothing.
HELEN
He put a tack on the teacher's chair, during class.
DASH
Nobody saw me. You could barely see it on the tape.
BOB
They caught you on tape and you still got away with it? Whoa! You must have been booking. How fast do you think were you going?
HELEN
Bob! We are not encouraging this.
BOB
I'm not encouraging, I'm just asking how fast he was...
HELEN
Honey!
BOB
Oh, great. First the car and now I gotta pay to fix the table...
HELEN
The car? What happened to the car?
BOB
Here. I'm getting a new plate.
HELEN
What about you, Vi? How was school?
VIOLET
Nothing to report.
HELEN
You've hardly touched your food.
VIOLET
I'm not hungry for meatloaf.
HELEN
Well, it is leftover night. We have steak, pasta. What are you hungry for?
DASH
Tony Rydinger.
VIOLET
Shut up!
DASH
Well, you are.
VIOLET
I said, shut up, you little insect!
DASH
Well, she is.
HELEN
Do not shout at the table. Honey!
MAN
Kids, listen to your mother.
DASH
She'd eat if we were having Tony loaf.
VIOLET
That's it!
HELEN
Stop it!
DASH
You're gonna be toast!
HELEN
Stop running in the house. Sit down!
DASH
Ow! Hey, no force fields!
VIOLET
You started it.
HELEN
You sit down! You sit down! Violet!
BOB
Simon J. Paladino, longtime advocate of superhero rights, is missing? Gazerbeam.
HELEN
Bob! It's time to engage. Do something! Don't just stand there! I need you to intervene!
BOB
You want me to intervene? Okay. I'm intervening. I'm intervening!
HELEN
Violet, let go of your brother!
JACK-JACK
Hello?
BOB
Get the door.
DASH
Hey, Lucius!
LUCIUS
Hey, Speedo. Hey, Helen. Vi, Jack-Jack.
BOB
Hey! Ice of you to drop by.
LUCIUS
Ha! Never heard that one before.
DASH
Hey, Lucius!
LUCIUS
Whoa!
LUCIUS
Ha, ha.
DASH
Oh! I like it when it shatters.
BOB
I'll be back later.
HELEN
Hey, where are you two going?
BOB
It's Wednesday.
HELEN
Oh. Bowling night. Say hello to Honey for me, Lucius.
LUCIUS
Will do. Goodnight, Helen. Goodnight, kids.
HELEN
Don't think that you've avoided talking about your trip to the principal's office, young man. Your father and I are still gonna discuss it.
DASH
I'm not the only kid who's been sent to the office, you know.
HELEN
Other kids don't have superpowers. Now, it's perfectly normal for you to feel...
VIOLET
Normal? What do you know about normal? What does anyone in our family know about normal? The only normal one is Jack-Jack.
HELEN
Now, wait a minute, young lady.
VIOLET
We act normal, mom. I wanna be normal! The only normal one is Jack-Jack, and he's not even toilet trained.
DASH
Lucky. I meant about being normal.
LUCIUS
So now I'm in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I'm an epitaph. Somehow I managed to find cover and what does Doctor Toxic do?
BOB
He starts monologuing.
LUCIUS
He starts monologuing! He starts like this prepared speech about how feeble I am compared to him. How inevitable my defeat is, how the world will soon be his! Yada, yada, yada.
BOB
Yammering.
LUCIUS
Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter, and he won't shut up.
RADIO
Six one sam, eight Municiberg. Go ahead, possible 2356 in progress at 115 Weatherford Way...
BOB
2356, what is that? Robbery?
LUCIUS
This is just sad.
BOB
Yeah, robbery. Want to catch a robber?
LUCIUS
No. Tell you the truth, I'd rather go bowling. Look, what if we actually did what our wives think we're doing? For a change.
MIRAGE
He's not alone. The fat guy's still with him. They're just talking.
LUCIUS
What are we doing here, Bob?
BOB
Protecting people.
LUCIUS
Nobody asked us.
BOB
You need an invitation?
LUCIUS
I'd like one, yes. We keep sneaking out to do this, and... You remember Gazerbeam?
BOB
Yeah. There was something about him in the paper.
LUCIUS
He had trouble adjusting to civilian life, too.
BOB
When's the last time you saw him?
LUCIUS
I don't see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we're pushing our luck as it is.
BOB
Oh, come on.
LUCIUS
It was fun the first time, but if we keep doing this, we're gonna get...
RADIO
We have a report on a fire at Fourth and Elias.
BOB
A fire. We're close! Yeah, baby!
LUCIUS
We're gonna get caught.
BOB
Woohoo! Haha! Fire! Yeah!
LUCIUS
Is that everybody?
BOB
Yeah, that's everyone.
LUCIUS
It better be.
BOB
Can't you put this out?
LUCIUS
I can't lay down a layer thick enough! It's evaporating too fast!
BOB
What? What's that mean?
LUCIUS
It means it's hot! And I'm dehydrated, Bob!
BOB
You're out of ice? You can't run out of ice! I thought you could use the water in the air!
LUCIUS
There is no water in this air! What's your excuse, run out of muscle?
BOB
I can't just go smashing through walls! The building's getting weaker by the second! It'll come down on top of us!
LUCIUS
I wanted to go bowling!
BOB
All right! Stay right on my tail! This is gonna get hot! Yeah. Uh-oh. Oh, good.
LUCIUS
Oh, now, that ain't right!
LUCIUS & BOB
We look like bad guys! Incompetent bad guys! You can get water out of the air!
So now I'm in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I'm an epitaph. Somehow I managed to find cover and what does Doctor Toxic do?
BOB
He starts monologuing.
LUCIUS
He starts monologuing! He starts like this prepared speech about how feeble I am compared to him. How inevitable my defeat is, how the world will soon be his! Yada, yada, yada.
BOB
Yammering.
LUCIUS
Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter, and he won't shut up.
RADIO
Six one sam, eight Municiberg. Go ahead, possible 2356 in progress at 115 Weatherford Way...
BOB
2356, what is that? Robbery?
LUCIUS
This is just sad.
BOB
Yeah, robbery. Want to catch a robber?
LUCIUS
No. Tell you the truth, I'd rather go bowling. Look, what if we actually did what our wives think we're doing? For a change.
MIRAGE
He's not alone. The fat guy's still with him. They're just talking.
LUCIUS
What are we doing here, Bob?
BOB
Protecting people.
LUCIUS
Nobody asked us.
BOB
You need an invitation?
LUCIUS
I'd like one, yes. We keep sneaking out to do this, and... You remember Gazerbeam?
BOB
Yeah. There was something about him in the paper.
LUCIUS
He had trouble adjusting to civilian life, too.
BOB
When's the last time you saw him?
LUCIUS
I don't see anyone from the old days, Bob. Just you. And we're pushing our luck as it is.
BOB
Oh, come on.
LUCIUS
It was fun the first time, but if we keep doing this, we're gonna get...
RADIO
We have a report on a fire at Fourth and Elias.
BOB
A fire. We're close! Yeah, baby!
LUCIUS
We're gonna get caught.
BOB
Woohoo! Haha! Fire! Yeah!
LUCIUS
Is that everybody?
BOB
Yeah, that's everyone.
LUCIUS
It better be.
BOB
Can't you put this out?
LUCIUS
I can't lay down a layer thick enough! It's evaporating too fast!
BOB
What? What's that mean?
LUCIUS
It means it's hot! And I'm dehydrated, Bob!
BOB
You're out of ice? You can't run out of ice! I thought you could use the water in the air!
LUCIUS
There is no water in this air! What's your excuse, run out of muscle?
BOB
I can't just go smashing through walls! The building's getting weaker by the second! It'll come down on top of us!
LUCIUS
I wanted to go bowling!
BOB
All right! Stay right on my tail! This is gonna get hot! Yeah. Uh-oh. Oh, good.
LUCIUS
Oh, now, that ain't right!
LUCIUS & BOB
We look like bad guys! Incompetent bad guys! You can get water out of the air!
COP
Freeze! Freeze!
LUCIUS
I'm thirsty.
COP
I said freeze!
LUCIUS
I'm just getting a drink.
COP
Alright. You've had your drink. Now I want you to...
LUCIUS
I know. I know. Freeze.
RADIO
Shots fired!
COPS
Police officers!
LUCIUS
That was way too close. We are not doing that again.
RADIO
Verify you want to switch targets? Over.
MIRAGE
Trust me. This is the one he's been looking for.
HELEN
You said you'd be back by 11 .
BOB
I said I'd be back later.
HELEN
I assumed you'd be back later. If you came back at all, you'd be back later.
BOB
Well, I'm back, okay?
HELEN
Is this rubble?
BOB
It was just a little workout. Just to stay loose.
HELEN
You know how I feel about that, Bob. Darn you! We just got settled! We can't blow cover again!
BOB
The building was coming down anyway.
HELEN
What?! You knocked down a building?!
BOB
It was on fire. Structurally unsound. It was coming down anyway.
HELEN
Tell me it's not the police scanner again?
BOB
Look, I performed a public service. You act like that's a bad thing.
HELEN
It is a bad thing, Bob! Uprooting our family again, believe you had to relive the glory days is a very bad thing.
BOB
Hey, reliving the glory days is better than acting like they didn't happen!
HELEN
Yes! They happened! But this, our family, is what's happening now, Bob. And you are missing this! I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation.
BOB
It's not a graduation. He's moving from the fourth grade to the fifth grade.
HELEN
It's a ceremony!
BOB
It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity but if someone is genuinely exceptional, they shut him down because they don't want everybody else to feel bad!
HELEN
This is not about you, Bob. This is about Dash.
BOB
You want to help Dash? Let him actually compete. Let him go out for sports!
HELEN
I will not be made the enemy here! You know why we can't do that.
BOB
Because he'd be great!
HELEN
This is not about you!
BOB
All right, Dash. I know you're listening. Come on out.
HELEN
Vi? You, too, young lady.
BOB
Come on. Come on out. It's okay, kids. We're just having a discussion.
VIOLET
Pretty loud discussion.
BOB
Yeah. But that's okay. Because what's important is that Mommy and I are always a team. We're always united against, uh, the forces of, uh...
HELEN
Pigheadedness?
BOB
I was gonna say evil or something.
HELEN
We're sorry we woke you. Everything's okay. Go back to bed. It's late.
DASH
Good night, Mom. Night, Dad.
VIOLET
Good night.
HELEN
In fact, we should all be in bed.
COMPUTER VOICE
Request claim on claim numbers 158183...
HUPH
Haven't you got him yet?! Where is he?!
INTERCOM
Mr. Huph wants you in his office.
BOB
Now?
INTERCOM
Request claim on claim numbers 158183...
HUPH
Haven't you got him yet?! Where is he?!
INTERCOM
Mr. Huph wants you in his office.
BOB
Now?
INTERCOM
Now.
HUPH
Sit down, Bob. I'm not happy, Bob. Not happy. Ask me why.
BOB
Okay. Why?
HUPH
Why what? Be specific, Bob.
BOB
Why are you unhappy?
HUPH
Your customers make me unhappy.
BOB
What, you've gotten complaints?
HUPH
Complaints I can handle. What I can't handle is your customers' inexplicable knowledge of Insuricare's inner workings! They're experts. Experts, Bob! Exploiting every loophole, dodging every obstacle! They're penetrating the bureaucracy!
BOB
Did I do something illegal?
HUPH
No.
BOB
Are you saying we shouldn't help our customers?
HUPH
The law requires that I answer no.
BOB
We're supposed to help people.
HUPH
We're supposed to help our people! Starting with our stockholders, Bob. Who's helping them out, huh? You know, Bob, a company is...
BOB
Is like an enormous clock.
HUPH
...is like an enormous clock, yes. Precisely. It only works if all the little cogs mesh together. Now, a clock needs to be cleaned, well-lubricated and wound tight. The best clocks have jewel movements, cogs that fit, that cooperate by design. I'm being metaphorical, Bob. You know what I mean by cooperative cogs? Bob? Bob? Look at me when I'm talking to you, Parr!
BOB
That man out there, he needs help.
HUPH
Do not change the subject, Bob. We're discussing your attitude!
BOB
But he is getting mugged!
HUPH
Well, let's hope we don't cover him.
BOB
I'll be right back.
HUPH
Stop right now or you're fired! Close the door. Get over here, now. I'm not happy, Bob. Not happy.
BOB
He got away.
HUPH
Good thing, too. You were this close to losing your...
BOB
Uh-oh. How is he?
DICKER
He'll live.
BOB
I'm fired, aren't I?
DICKER
Oh, you think?
BOB
What can I say, Rick?
DICKER
Nothing you haven't said before.
BOB
Someone was in trouble.
DICKER
Someone's always in trouble.
BOB
I had to do something.
DICKER
Yeah. Every time you say those words, it means a month and a half of trouble for me, Bob. Minimum. It means hundreds of thousands of taxpayer's dollars.
BOB
I know.
DICKER
We gotta pay to keep the company quiet. We gotta pay damages, erase memories, relocate your family. Every time it gets harder. Money, money, money, money. We can't keep doing this, Bob! We appreciate what you did in the old days, but those days are over. From now on, you're on your own. Listen, Bob. Maybe I could relocate you, you know, for old times' sake.
BOB
No, I can't do that to my family again. We just got settled. It'll be alright. I'll make it work. Thanks.
DICKER
Take care of yourself.
BOB
What are you waiting for?
KID
I don't know. Something amazing, I guess.
BOB
Me too, kid. Me too. Huh? Hold still?
TABLET
Match: Mr. Incredible. Room is secure. Commence message.
MIRAGE
Hello, Mr. Incredible. My name is Mirage. Yes, we know who you are. Rest assured, your secret is safe with us. Actually, we have something in common. According to the government, neither of us exist. Please pay attention, as this message is classified and will not be repeated. I represent a top secret division of the government, designing and testing experimental technology, and we have need of your unique abilities. Something has happened at our testing facility.
What are you waiting for?
KID
I don't know. Something amazing, I guess.
BOB
Me too, kid. Me too. Huh? Hold still?
TABLET
Match: Mr. Incredible. Room is secure. Commence message.
MIRAGE
Hello, Mr. Incredible. My name is Mirage. Yes, we know who you are. Rest assured, your secret is safe with us. Actually, we have something in common. According to the government, neither of us exist. Please pay attention, as this message is classified and will not be repeated. I represent a top secret division of the government, designing and testing experimental technology, and we have need of your unique abilities. Something has happened at our testing facility.
HELEN
Honey!
BOB
Huh? What?
HELEN
Dinner's ready.
BOB
Okay, okay.
MIRAGE
Although it is contained within an isolated area, it threatens to cause incalculable damage to itself and to our facilities, jeopardizing hundreds of millions of dollars worth of equipment...
HELEN
Is someone in there?
BOB
The TV, I'm trying to watch.
MIRAGE
Because of its highly sensitive nature...
HELEN
Well, stop trying. It's time for dinner.
BOB
One minute!
MIRAGE
If you accept, your payment will be equivalent to your current annual salary. Call the number on the screen. Voice-matching will be used to insure security. The supers aren't gone, Mr. Incredible. You're still here. You can still do great things. Or... you can listen to police scanners. Your choice. You have 24 hours to respond. Think about it.
TABLET
This message will self-destruct.
BOB
Uh-oh.
HELEN
You are one distracted guy.
BOB
Hmm? Am I? I don't mean to be.
HELEN
I know you miss being a hero and your job is frustrating. I just want you to know how much it means to me that you stay at it anyway.
BOB
Honey? About the job?
HELEN
What?
BOB
Something's happened.
HELEN
What?
BOB
The, uh...
HELEN
What?
BOB
The company is sending me to a conference.
HELEN
A conference?
BOB
Out of town. And I'm just gonna be gone for a few days.
HELEN
They've never sent you to a conference before. This is good, isn't it?
BOB
Yes.
HELEN
You see? They're finally recognizing your talents. You're moving up.
BOB
Yes.
HELEN
Honey! This is wonderful!
BOB
Yes, it is.
MIRAGE [over phone]
Hello?
BOB (MR. INCREDIBLE)
This is Mr. lncredible. I'm in.
No comments:
Post a Comment